i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
