There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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