look no pants
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
