The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
