I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
