Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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