you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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