Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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