People in love make me want to vomit
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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