You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
