it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
