That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
