i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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