she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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