Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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