i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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