Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
