How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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