Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
