Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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