boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
