Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
