Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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