I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
