One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How does one acquire holy water?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
