even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
