Apparently you make a good broom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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