He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
