Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
