haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
