Will you blow on my dice?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
