Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize