holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
