During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
