My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
