I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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