Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
