how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
