I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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