So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
