you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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