Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
