Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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