I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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