i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
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