wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
