we have officially lost it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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