you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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