When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
