Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's get the cat blown out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
