I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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