You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
