Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bring me that man meat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
