yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
