I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize