she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
