thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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