Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do vagina's smell?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
