they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
