I want to walk on stilts...naked
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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